How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

By: Ellie Graham

Comparison is an evolutionary trait; present in each one of us. This instinct has allowed our species to progress and thrive rather than stay stagnant. Comparison was a survival mechanism. However, in the age of globalization and digitalization, toxic comparison seems to plague us rather than propel us forward.

As a fourth year in college, feeling uncertain about the future is inevitable. To help our brains cope with this uneasiness, we seek patterns that are successful. In this context, we compare ourselves to our peers with a higher scrutiny than ever before.

The next few years of our lives will be transformative. However, we will soon have to pave a new path and place ourselves in unfamiliar situations. As much as our generation likes to claim “individuality”, human nature still kicks in. We have more resources than ever before to concoct a framework for success. Thus, even the most radical thinkers still follow patterns and fall victim to comparison.

Prior to the digital age, comparison was localized. Now, we are entering adulthood during a time where life is on a global stage.

Yes, access to instant, endless information is a wonderful tool. However, this influx of content, advice, and best practices can lead to feelings of worthlessness and result in “decision paralysis”. With so many options, how do we choose? Who is telling the truth? And, which path is right for me?

This year, I often felt extremely anxious about my long-term goals. I often asked myself if what I want is even worth it or possible. Each time I logged into LinkedIn or Instagram, I felt far behind my peers and the world. With millions of possibilities at my fingertips, I froze, felt inferior, and was terrified to make any decisions.

The next week, I decided to view my comparison-based decision paralysis from a bird’s eye view: what would I tell my friends if they came to me for advice?

1. Focus on yourself

This is easier said than done. Stop scrolling through linkedin, tik tok, instagram etc. Ask yourself why you want to do something. Look inward. Come back and ask yourself What is your intention? What is important for you? Don't act from a place of fear but actual, thoughtful intention.

2. Everyone's timeline is different

On social media it seems like everyone is achieving their dreams. Young influencers are idolized right beside your childhood friend getting into medical school.

Okay, you aren’t the first female to win Olympic gold in Pickleball at this very moment. But this fact does not limit you from entering the tournament tomorrow. This reality is not yet realized and is still an option.

At times when I felt already too far behind, I told myself this quote:
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”

3. Its okay to not have it all figured out

As a second semester senior in college, I have been struggling with finding purpose after graduation. However, there is no “right” time when all your goals are going to magically fall into place. You have to embrace the messy middle. The messier the middle, the more shining the success.

4. Do genuine self-reflection

What are you really seeking? Changing something externally is a quick fix. But ask yourself, what is the root of the problem?

You are the pilot of your life experience. What is the destination? What are you choosing to focus on along the route? What is taking you off course? Where do you want to safely land? Who is with you on the journey?

5. 5 minutes, 5 weeks, 5 months, 5 years

If you are in a thought spiral, re-center, breathe, and consider this exercise: will it matter in 5 minutes? 5 weeks? 5 months? 5 years?

The answers to these prompts allows you to prioritize. If something will matter in 5 years, then you should focus on a solution. However, if it won’t matter in 5 weeks, let it go & focus on your 5 year goal.

To reiterate, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”

Your time is now. Ready, set, go.