Positive Self Talk
By: Ellie Graham
We talk about ourselves to ourselves all the time. Our internal dialogue is a stream of constant thoughts that shape our reality, crucial to our emotions and mood. How often do you tell yourself you are not good enough? Are you excessively self-critical, leaving yourself feeling empty and unworthy? Unfortunately, we are so used to engaging in this type of behavior that it becomes automatic and almost subconscious.
Our thoughts reflect our reality and eventually, you will believe the narrative you tell yourself. This tremendous amount of self-judgment is never the truth nor necessary. Let’s transform the negative voices in our minds into positive ones. You have the power to decide whether the conversations you have with yourself are destructive or valuable.
“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”- Brené Brown
Think about the way you speak to yourself. Would you think it was cruel to speak to someone else the way you speak to yourself in your internal dialogue? We often treat ourselves with less kindness and compassion than we would others.
The next time you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, ask yourself, is this how I would treat someone I love?
Kindness towards yourself will boost your self-esteem, self-acceptance, and self-worth.
Celebrate your achievements
Society always tells us to focus on what’s next. We do not always remember to practice mindfulness. We check things off our to-do list and then move on to the next. We focus on the outcome rather than the moment.
We ignore our many accomplishments in the day-to-day. Then, we begin the cycle again the next morning. We pick apart our insecurities and flaws instead of highlighting and celebrating our achievements. When you check something off your to-do list, acknowledge that and don’t let it just disappear.
Praise yourself for the small things. Too often, we don’t give ourselves credit and only focus on what we think is wrong.
Take the compliment and compliment yourself
When people give us a compliment, we immediately try to reflect it back. I came to this realization the other day when I complimented my friend. I told her that she looked good last night and her dress was really flattering. She responded, “thanks! I felt really confident in it.” At first, I thought this was a funny response. Whenever someone compliments me, I usually feel awkward and assume it is not valid. I then will probably compliment them on something, even if I don’t mean it. However, this friend accepted the compliment and validated it by saying that the dress made her feel good.
Our self-perception and worth are framed by our inner voice, whether it is fact or fiction. This shift in mindset won’t happen overnight. Remember that whatever you practice grows stronger and stronger as a habit. Be intentional with your thoughts. This simple mental adjustment can help you feel more confident and empowered which ultimately helps you build resilience. Obviously, this is easier said than done, every day I make a conscious effort to be kind to myself.
The most important person in your life is yourself. This may sound weird or selfish, but you are in charge of your own happiness.
Speak to yourself like you are your best friend. Trust yourself, love yourself, and live your life as you are. And remember, at the end of the day, the last person you want to let down is yourself.
Reference List
Jim Sharman, et al. “‘Talk to Yourself like You Would to Someone You Love." - Brené Brown.” Karmicrealms.news, KarmicrealmsNews, 21 May 2021, karmicrealms.news/talk-to-yourself-like-you-would-to-someone-you-love-brene-brown/.
Morris, Susan York. “Self-Talk: Why It Matters.” Healthline, Healthline Media, 19 Dec. 2016, www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/self-talk.
Pastiloff, Jennifer. “3 Ways to Fight Negative Self-Talk That Actually Work | Goop.” Wellness, Goop, goop.com/wellness/mindfulness/ways-to-stop-negative-self-talk/.
Porter, Jalynn Johnson. “Deeply Rooted in the Power of Positive Self-Talk.” The Green House Center, 3 Aug. 2018, greenhousecenter.org/deeply-rooted-in-the-power-of-positive-self-talk/.