Transitioning into Adulthood

By: Kika Gomez

“All good things must come to an end.” You’ve probably heard or read this quote before. I came across it when my friend used it as her Instagram caption after a trip we took together the last break. While I was momentarily saddened by how true those words felt at the time, as I am approaching the end of my college career and transitioning into a new chapter of my life, the weight of this phrase seems all the more real to me now. 

Inevitably, just as we have found a comfortable rhythm with our present, as a somewhat routine kicks in and natural order finally begins to settle, we realize this permanence is only temporary; our now reality and the moments that, as a child or teen, felt so distant and impossible to grasp, are now coming to an end, like an avalanche, we are buried in a suffocating multitude of emotions that any goodbye carries. Yet, we must do what we have prepared our whole lives all too well to do, we leap into the intimidating, unfamiliar world we have merely peripherally witnessed, otherwise known as “adulthood.

According to a research study conducted for the University of Missouri, the transition to adulthood is “socially constructed” (Arnett 4). The conclusion of two studies, one taken from a poll of 346 college students aged 18 to 23 and another of 140 persons aged 21 to 28, proposed that younger individuals are beginning to regard themselves as adults less based on “transition events” (such as marriage, entering the labor force, or finishing education) and more based on factors that are “intangible and subjective,” varying from one person to another (Arnett 6, 15-16). The transition to adulthood is, to many, no longer demarcated by a societally designated life-changing event or circumstance, but rather, it can be perceived in a number of ways independent of every individual. 

To test the hypothesis for myself, I asked upcoming graduates to answer the question of whether they considered themselves adults. Out of the 116 students that responded to my poll, 81 or 70% answered “no.” While this reflects only a small fraction of undergrads, these results again demonstrate that adulthood can come in all types of forms and manifestations. While you might perceive reaching adulthood based on a major milestone, someone else may say they identified with the word years ago, when they were forced to make a major life decision. It just depends. With that being said, as my college days come to a close, in just a few months I will have no choice but to walk past the invisible boundary that separates my present from adulthood. 

I sympathize with those of you who answered “no” to my question, I too feel that the burden this label carries is far too overwhelming to identify with just yet. But I think I speak for all of us when I say that we can’t run from it forever, because by the time we cross the finish line, we will undeniably and forcefully assume “grown-up” choices and responsibilities that our newly-found independence demands. 

So if you too are graduating and are grappling with this terrifying fact, I am with you. If you are not, I ask you to look back at a time or moment in your life when you had to leave something behind in the pursuit of a new beginning. Once you have pictured this, and I am almost certain that there is something you can think of, then you know those words in that caption come back to play their most familiar tune. 

Peering through our sheer curtain of comfort and security is the troubling realization that life as we know it will no longer be the same. As we have, for years, sat in the same lecture halls, walked the same streets, cultivated life-long friendships (unknowingly from a singular moment that first day of our first year), frequented our favorite spots — unveiling this protective mantle seems too great of difficulty for us. It becomes only natural to respond with emotional release, a terrible sadness, anxiety, and uncertainty begin to consume us as we leap into the deep triviality of the unknown. 

How then do we become equipped to digest such a transition?

If you are a college student like me, by this very moment we have invested more sleepless nights than we can count, we have memorized endless pages of books, applied hundreds of mathematical equations, we have written assignments, taken exams in all kinds of subjects, discussed global issues and learned from the most distinguished scholars. At the risk of sounding pessimistic, we are now presented with one of the biggest challenges that no textbook or college lecture could prepare us for — the challenge of saying goodbye to our college days. We bid farewell to those friends who have become family and to those halls that have become home, and step into the enormously sized shoes of adulthood. 

What we have upon us is a time of acceptance and detachment, of opportunity, growth, and deep admiration.

Yet many of us let this strong sense of pride and accomplishment be clouded with a fear of failure and the pressure of success. One of the biggest challenges of transitioning into adulthood is precisely this; so it becomes required of us to reassess how we define success, but more importantly, why we let it define us. 

Sixty physicists from various university departments across the country were solicited to answer the question “what do you think are the most important qualities needed to be successful at the type of work you do?” Although the findings of this sociological study, published by Joseph C. Hermanowicz in 2006, were limited to the field of physics, the conclusions are applicable to individuals in all walks of life. Ultimately, the results showed that “most qualities deemed necessary for success by scientists are largely unteachable through formal means of instruction” (Hermanowicz 149). The reason why this study is relevant, and why I chose to bring it up, is because scientists “have experienced, and perhaps withstood, comparatively more rejection” (Hermanowicz 146).  Scientists understand that success is not smooth sailing nor is it measured in numbers. They choose to take pride in the value of hard work and perseverance even knowing that they are likely to fail time and time again. I invite you to do the same. 

The reality is that you do not have to be the smartest, the fastest reader, or the best at solving mathematical problems. What is truly imperative is that you take advantage of this insatiable quest for knowledge, and remind yourself that there are endless possibilities out there, especially if you are courageous enough to take them. Be curious, creative, open-minded, speak up when you have something to say and stand right back up when you fall. It all comes down to the fact that we often see this transition as so incredibly intimidating because of the possibility of rejection and failure. Success is a rewarding part of the process, sure, but we cannot rely on feeling settled as a necessity to succeed so much so that we avoid taking the path less traveled. 

Remember when you were nervous about coming to college and leaving home? Take a look at where you are now and be proud of how far you have come: it is only a matter of days before we finally get to say that we made it (!). Consider how if you had chosen comfort four years ago, frightened by leaving all you know behind and denying the prospect of change, how many experiences you would have missed out on. Apply that revelation to how you approach the next four years, the four years after that, and the many years that will follow… There is truly no scientific journal or book to prepare us for such an emotional time – the joy of graduating combined with the nostalgia of leaving these days behind – yet impermanence isn’t necessarily negative, maybe just a little bittersweet. What I can tell you is that all evidence points to the fact that there is no set timeline that defines what your life should look like, meaning this moment – right now – is yours. So take it!

Reference List:

Hermanowicz, Joseph C. "What does it take to be successful?." Science, Technology, & Human Values 31, no. 2 (2006): 135-152.

Arnett, Jeffrey Jensen. "Young people's conceptions of the transition to adulthood." Youth & society 29, no. 1 (1997): 3-23.
Schneider, Barbara, Christopher Klager, I-Chien Chen, and Jason Burns. "Transitioning into adulthood: Striking a balance between support and independence." Policy Insights from the Behavioral and Brain Sciences 3, no. 1 (2016): 106-113.