Trust

By: Ellie Graham

Trust must be earned. To trust is to believe, and to know that your psyche will be supported and cherished. To give someone your trust is an act of utmost vulnerability. We know this because we can all recall an instance where you had to heal the mental bruises left behind by a dissolution of trust. 

Trust is not built during  big victories, rather it is rationed and gifted in small moments. Only when you develop a belief in the other person do you hand over your full, unwavering trust. Bestowing your trust to another is courageous and should not be taken lightly. 

Brenee Brown’s novel “The Anatomy of Trust” breaks down trust into an acronym: B.R.A.V.I.N.G. 

This acronym stands for Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Non Judgment, and Generosity. Below is a more in-depth breakdown of Brown’s B.R.A.V.I.N.G acronym:

BRAVING Definitions

The acronym BRAVING breaks down trust into seven elements:

BOUNDARIES, RELIABILITY, ACCOUNTABILITY, VAULT,

INTEGRITY, NONJUDGMENT, AND GENEROSITY.

BOUNDARIES: Setting boundaries is making clear what’s okay and what’s not

okay, and why.

RELIABILITY: You do what you say you’ll do. At work, this means staying aware

of your competencies and limitations so you don’t overpromise and are able to

deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities.

ACCOUNTABILITY: You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends.

VAULT: You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share.

I need to know that my confidences are kept, and that you’re not sharing with me

any information about other people that should be confidential.

INTEGRITY: Choosing courage over comfort; choosing what’s right over what’s

fun, fast, or easy; and practicing your values, not just professing them.

NONJUDGMENT: I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need. We

can talk about how we feel without judgment.

GENEROSITY: Extending the most generous interpretation to the intentions,

words, and actions of others.

The BRAVING Inventory can be used as a rumble tool—a conversation guide

to use with colleagues that walks us through the conversation from a place of

curiosity, learning, and ultimately trust-building.

Brown’s insights on trust empowered me to evaluate my own qualifications of trust. Now, I am setting the boundary that if someone fails to meet the expectations of B.R.A.V.I.N.G, I cannot give them my trust. 

This acronym is easy to apply to external relationships. However, it is much more difficult to take this message internally. Self-trust is not any different from the definition of trust we hold with others, but it is considerably harder to navigate. Remember the words of Diane Von Furstenberg,  “The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.”

Brown emphasizes the point that one cannot fully cultivate trust in others unless you fully trust yourself. More broadly, you cannot ask people to give you something that you do not believe you are worthy of receiving. Recognize that you are your biggest advocate. In doing so, you will be able to better delineate who is trustworthy in your life. 

Brenee Brown cites a quote from Maya Angelou, “I don't trust people who don't love themselves and tell me, 'I love you.'” Again, stressing that trust can only be formed with others once you trust yourself.

“You cannot judge yourself for needing help but not judge others for needing your help” 

It is human nature to second guess ourselves and look to others for validation. As young adults, we have innumerable unanswered questions about our careers, relationships, and what the future holds. With so much uncertainty ahead, people who think they “know best” often, unprompted, give their two cents. As a senior in college, I have felt the burden of these unanswered questions. Along the way, I have often felt so lost that I made decisions that were unauthentic to who I am. Still, I constantly fall into the trap of asking myself what I am “supposed to be doing” without asking myself what I want to do. 

Once I learned about Brown’s B.R.A.V.I.N.G framework, I feel I now have a pathway to self-trust and authenticity. In the future, I am devoted to setting clear personal boundaries, showing up for myself, being accountable for my actions, and sharing information with people who prove themselves worthy. Also, I vow to be kind to myself.

Life is composed of relationships and all relationships begin with our relationship to self. To achieve a more profound sense of self-worth, we must be committed to nourishing all the people we hold close to our hearts, including ourselves. 

In giving trust, we give a piece of our soul away. Thus, as previously mentioned, gifting trust is simultaneously courageous and vulnerable. Embrace this contradiction. B.R.A.V.I.N.G the cold, unforgiving world will be brutal at times. But, remember, trust yourself… You will prevail.

Reference List:

Brown Brené. Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience. Random House Large Print, 2022.